


it must be nice to love someone who lets you break them twice

by juggyjones



Series: heaven isn't as beautiful as you [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartbreak, Marriage Proposal, Minor Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Minor Finn Collins/Raven Reyes, Minor John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 08:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14828630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juggyjones/pseuds/juggyjones
Summary: The first time, Clarke decides to marry Finn.The next time, Clarke decides not to marry Bellamy.





	1. maybe love is a broken thing

**Author's Note:**

> The first time Clarke doesn't get to the altar is with Finn.

They talked about it.

Bellamy sits on the couch and listens to Clarke talk about her engagement and he thinks, _how the fuck did this happen_? But he knows and she knows and realistically, Finn probably knows as well. That’s why he’s smiling in Bellamy’s direction with a smile that has a different victory to it for someone who’s just gotten engaged.

Bellamy thinks about it.

‘ _I love you, Clarke_ ,’ he said, that one day. _‘Not exactly romantically, but it’s not just friends.’_

They talked about it. Both of them felt the same way and it was only months ago. They concluded they just needed time to wrap their heads around it.

She was dating Finn at the time. The way she spoke, he didn’t think her feelings for him were strong.

He watches her now, a beer in his hand and a distant look in his eyes. He can’t even hurt, because she’s happy and not much is more important to him than that. And when she looks at him, pointing at the ring, she gives her the biggest smile he can muster.

It’s a real smile. Because he’s truly, awfully happy for her. He’d sacrifice everything if it meant she’s happy.

Finn and Clarke’s engagement is when Bellamy realizes he loves her, in every shape and form.

It’s also when she breaks his heart for the first time.

Finn and Clarke’s wedding is when Bellamy realizes he still loves her, months later, and wishes he could press lips against her and be the one to wait for her at the altar.

Instead, he’s at her apartment with Octavia and Harper and they’re making sure she looks as beautiful as she possibly can.

“How do I look?” she asks him, face pale. “Is it good?”

“Stop worrying,” he tells her. “You’re physically incapable of looking anything but good.”

She smiles at him and he cherishes the smile forever. It’s just them now, the girls are putting her post-ceremony dress and other necessities into the car. She’s smiling at him and she’s so goddamn happy.

This is what he wishes he could say: _I don’t care whether you’re wearing yoga pants and your Dad’s sweater, or a wedding dress that cost more than my six months’ paycheck. There shouldn’t be a difference between loving you now and every other day._

“Do you think he’s going to like it?”

All he gives himself is a moment; a moment where it’s him standing at the altar and she’s smiling because he’s about to say the words.

“I do.”

Same two words. Entirely different meaning.

She does look beautiful, he thinks. There’s the simple white dress, satin on top and silk on the lower part, flying as she turns. There’s also the makeup that makes her look like a movie star and her now-tamed, wavy hair that barely reaches her shoulder.

Sure, those things make her beautiful.

But that’s not why Bellamy thinks she looks more beautiful today.

In more than one way, she’s glowing. There’s a constant smile on her face that reaches all the way to her baby blues and even though she has small crinkles around them, it doesn’t bother her. She’s nervous but she’s laughing and she’s the one keeping everything in place.

She’s scared of what’s happening and she’s the one who doesn’t ask for help.

And then, most of all, there’s the trademark red streak in her hair she refuses to get rid of. No one knows the meaning to it except for her and a girl she treated about two years ago, Madi.

That’s Clarke. She might be wearing a beautiful gown and makeup and hair but the things that Bellamy loves about her and that make her the most beautiful woman in his eyes cannot be seen.

He walks her to the car. Octavia is sitting beside him and they have Clarke and Harper in the back, adding the finishing touches.

Harper tucks a blue flower behind Clarke’s ear and she smiles at Bellamy into the rearview mirror.

He almost loses control of the car.

At one point, he takes the wrong turn.

For years to come, he wonders if that’s a moment of recklessness or pure accident, as he says it is. He thinks of Clarke before Finn, or Clarke with Finn and of the Clarke he knows best and wishes he has the power to stop them from happening. Because Clarke was happier without him. She was a bettter person without him. And Bellamy thinks it’s just a game for him.

That’s what he’s thinking about when he takes off the highway too soon. They realize almost immediately, but it’s a detour that costs them half an hour.

In the back, Clarke starts losing it. Harper tries calming her down. Bellamy’s apologizing, his heart racing, but he can’t get the right words out. Octavia texts Kane, Clarke’s stepfather, they’ll be late.

To Bellamy, quietly, she says, “I said we’re stuck in the traffic.”

Bellamy nods.

When they arrive, all the guests are inside – or they should be. There’s a girl sitting on the stairs, looking at them as they rush towards the church.

Something’s wrong.

Everybody slows down. They’re still walking and they’re a few dozen feet from their destination, but Bellamy has a feeling in his gut that makes him nauseous. It’s not nervousness, or jealousy. It has nothing to do with the fact that the love of his life is by his side, rushing to marry another man.

When they’re not even ten feet away, the girl stands up.

When they’re right in front of her, she looks at the bride.

“Clarke.”

Clarke gives her a long look, then glances at the massive door behind her. “Why aren’t you inside with everyone else? Did something happen?”

She and Bellamy are standing so close he feels her arms shiver.

The girl shakes her head. Her eyes, Bellamy notices, are bloodshot and her face puffy, and her voice cracks with sorrow when she speaks next, “I’m Finn’s fiancee.”

“No,” Clarke says.

The girl shows her own ring, almost identical to Clarke’s. When Clarke continues to protest, she shows her a picture of her kissing Finn’s cheek as her lock screen. Then she opens an album of pictures that range from a month old, to seven years old.

“No,” Clarke says. “It can’t be.”

“I’m sorry,” says the girl.

Nobody else has said anything so far. It’s Bellamy’s turn. “How do we know you’re telling the truth?”

The girl looks at Clarke with determination, but empathy, too. “If I’m telling the truth, will you still marry him?”

“You’re not.”

“Just answer, Clarke.” It’s a plea.

Bellamy looks at the blonde and is surprised to find her looking at him, too. Her lips are trembling and she looks so scared, so _young_ ; she never asked for any of this.

Now, her eyes are asking for his opinion.

He lets out a shaky breath, one that he feels with the entirety of his body. He turns to her and pulls her into an embrace, feeling her body shaking in touch with his. She’s cold and warm at the same time and he can tell she’s not entirely indifferent to what the girl is saying.

So he whispers, “No one can blame you.”

She doesn’t say anything, but he feels her relax into him. His eyes flutter when he closes them and he pulls her even closer. He places a kiss on her forehead and they pull apart, and repeats his words.

Clarke holds his hand when she looks at the girl. “If you’re telling the truth, I’m not marrying him.”

Bellamy gives her a squeeze. She returns it.

The girl nods. “I can prove it to you.”

“How?”

“I’ll walk into that church when everyone will be waiting for you, and you will be behind me. Watch Finn’s face when he sees me. If you think it’s not proof enough, marry him. If you think that’s proof, do the right thing for yourself and don’t marry a man who’s been cheating on someone else with you the entire time.”

Clarke tenses at the words and Bellamy rubs her thumb against her palm. With fear in her eyes, she nods.

He gives her one more squeeze, then lets go.

She and the girl walk in the front, followed by the other three. He doesn’t look at either Octavia or Harper because he’s afraid of what he’ll see on their faces.

The walk takes an enternity.

His lungs start drowning in guilt. He’s had his suspicions of Finn’s integrity and honesty about his feelings for Clarke, but he never thought he’d be cheating like this.

Side chicks? Maybe. Thing is, _Clarke_ is the side chick in this situation. And he’s marrying her.

Bellamy thought whatever Finn’s deal must’ve been, his feelings must be real if he’s marrying her.

He looks at Clarke. He can’t see her face but she’s walking with determination and he envies and pities her at the same moment. She walks the same as the girl.

The massive door leading into the ceremony hall opens and the piano begins playing. The bridal march.

Bellamy looks at Finn. He’s smiling, at first, but Clarke isn’t moving and his face gains on concern, and then he notices the girl.

Clarke turns on her heel and runs out of the church. Whether Finn starts running after her Bellamy doesn’t know, because he’s already doing it.

He spends the day with her. They don’t come home, instead they drive around the state and sleep at a cheap motel in the same bed, because Clarke is broken and he needs to hold her until she’s cried enough to fall asleep.

He finds out all about Finn and the girl, Raven. He tells Clarke small bits of information when she wants to know and after a week, she’s staring to feel good enough to come back.

They find her apartment empty of Finn’s belongings. Bellamy sleeps over.

The next morning, Raven comes to talk to Clarke. Bellamy goes home.

He only wishes he could’ve protected her from Finn.


	2. you could be my favourite place

Not even two years later, it’s Bellamy in Finn’s place.

He’s waiting for Clarke and she’s late, and Octavia texts Kane they’re stuck in traffic. It’s history repeating itself only this time he knows when Clarke comes inside, it’ll be without his other girlfriend or devastation on her face.

His heart is beating. He wonders what she’s going to look like. He remembers her dress from the last time and the makeup and the hair but he’s curious to see whether she’ll keep the red streak, if she’ll be pale but smiling, if her body will be trembling.

He knows he’s trembling.

At his side, Murphy his best man and he knows Raven is with Clarke and for once, Octavia didn’t mind not being the maid of honor.

Raven stopped Clarke from making a grave mistake one time. She’ll stop her again.

So now, Bellamy just waits, impatiently.

 _It’s no big deal_ , he thinks, _you’re just waiting for the love of your life to show up at your wedding._

Next to him, Murphy jabs him in the ribs. Bellamy yelps and his best man leans in, whispering, “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look constipated,” Murphy tells him. “Cheer up a little. She’s coming.”

Bellamy just nods. Then, realizes that he’s worried as hell, and not nervous because he’s getting married.

He leans towards Murphy. “Last time she was in this situation, she bailed because her husband-to-be had another fiancee.”

“Do you have another fiancee?”

“No.”

“Something that could potentially incriminate the wedding?”

Bellamy gives himself a moment to think. “No.”

“Then shut up and calm down.” Murphy pats him on the back, shooting him a warming smile. He looks a lot more mature, wearing a dark velvet suit to match Bellamy’s, with hair actually combed, for once. “You’re going to be fine.”

Except that’s exactly the moment when his heart breaks for the second time.

The doors open, but it’s not Clarke behind them. It’s Raven. And the look on her face is what makes Bellamy’s heart skip a beat, then run for his life towards her.

“I’m sorry,” stammers Raven, “I tried—”

“Where is she?”

“In the car.”

He leaves Raven without a word and bolts out of the church without a second thought.

Murphy can handle the mess. Raven’ll tell him, it’s not a well-kept secret they’ve had a thing going for some months now.

He passes Octavia on his way and she just yells at him to hurry up, and he does.

He sees the velvet Corvette Clarke’s inherited from her father starting and his bride at the driver’s seat, dressed in white and ruining his dreams. His heart doesn’t function properly at the sight. _Run_ , he thinks, focuses on her.

She’s gaining on speed. He catches up with the car and starts banging against the windows, yelling her name.

_Don’t do this to me._

She stops. He gets into the passenger side and even before he closes the door, she slams the gas pedal and before he knows it, they’re far away from the church.

“What the fuck is going on?”

She doesn’t reply, instead applies even more pressure on the pedal and now they’re speeding down a country road.

Bellamy takes a good look at her.

She looks impeccable, even more so than usual. Her hair is in an elegant braided bun and he can spot the red streak that would in any other situation bring a smile to his face. Her dress is tight and he only sees the upper part of it, and everything is linen – he knows that because Octavia told him CLarke wanted this to be as simple as possible.

But her lips are quivering and her makeup is a little blotched around the eyes, and he realizes some strands are falling out of her hair, and her entire body is trembling.

Not like he wanted it to. This is the trembling she was suffering when she was due to marry Finn.

Her hands are gripping the steering wheel and he wonders if she knows where she’s driving. Instead of straining his mind to solve that riddle, he texts Raven to tell everyone that the ceremony is going to be even more delayed, but that he’s dealing with it.

He’s not, yet – but he’s about to.

Bellamy takes a deep breath and places a hand on Clarke’s, the one lying on the stick.

“Please, Clarke. Stop.”

She shakes her head, but not the hand atop hers. “Two more minutes.”

True to her word, she pulls up two minutes later. They’re at the top of a cliff and there’s green in colours Bemmay thinks he hasn’t seen before, and it spreads as far as he can see. At the bottom of the valley, there’s a small village that looks far more welcoming than any other living habitat he’s ever seen.

But it’s not what he wants to think about.

Clarke is the first to leave the car, Bellamy following right after her. She looks a lot like an apparition of an angel, dressed in white with golden hair. The dress looks gorgeous on her, simpler than the last time and just more … Well, it’s a Clarke dress if he’s ever seen one.

It looks like she could run in it.

He hopes it’s not him she’s running from.

He approaches her slowly, taking her hand in his. He wants to pull her into an embrace and reassure her like he did when she almost married Finn, but he doesn’t feel like that’s what she needs right now.

So he just squeezes her hand, to let her know he’s here for her. Again.

And always.

His phone buzzes with a text, likely from Octavia or Kane or one of the two hundred worried guests.

He stands still, watching her as she watches the valley. It’s peaceful in a way he didn’t think the day would be, and somehow it doesn’t lead him to think she’s going to leave him.

But if that’s her choice…

“This is Eden.” Clarke’s voice is soft and fragile, like the melody of Bellamy’s violin on a windy day. “This is where, seven years ago, a group of terrorists came and attacked the village, killing nearly everyone. There was a little girl, Madi, who hid under the floor for days, with no one noticing what happened. There’s over a hundred people, dead, and there’s no one nearby who cares enough to check on them.”

She shudders and Bellamy takes a tiny step closer to her, so their shoulders are touching. His thumb massages her palm lightly, and he feels the earthy scent of Clarke’s favourite perfume.

“They found her and they shot her. She doesn’t remember how she got away, and she made it to the hospital and I was the one to take care of her. She’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, and she was dying. The world wasn’t fair. I never talked about her because I didn’t know most of you then, and you and I were barely friends. But she’s changed me, for the better. I realized how little value our life has in the grand scheme, but it still has the most value for ourselves.”

“Your red streak,” Bellamy says.

“Yeah.”

Everybody’s had guesses, but he never thought John’s would be the closest. Clarke’s own _Memento Mori_ , a reminder that every life ends with death. He doesn’t need to ask what happened to Madi.

And somehow, he realizes why she’s telling him this.

“You’re not making a mistake,” he says. “I’m not Finn and I’m not Madi. I’m not going to hurt you, or leave. I’m sorry I don’t have a big speech prepared but Clarke, if you’re not ready to do this, we can cancel.”

This is the first time she looks at him, and her eyes are so bloodshot and watery he wonders how’s it possible she could even see anything, let alone drive.

Her lower lip quivers.

Bellamy pulls her into an embrace.

Clarke releases an ugly sob, and Bellamy feels wet drops on his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she says, almost choking. “I’m so sorry, Bellam—”

“No. Shut up. I’m here for you, whatever’s going through your head right now. I love you. I love you. You can almost bail our own wedding, because I love you nevertheless. And I know Finn fucked you up but I’m _not_ him, and I know you lost Madi, and you told me about her. You were blackout drunk, and it was just after it happened, and you didn’t remember afterward.”

“So you knew.” It’s not an accusation, Bellamy is relieved to hear. “All this time.”

“Yeah. But I figured you’d tell me consciously, when you’re ready.”

Corners of Clarke’s mouth twitch as they pull apart, but it doesn’t turn into a smile.

“Clarke,” he says, “I think you’re scared. You have every right to be scared. But this is something I’ve wanted from the moment I realized I’m in love with you, and I know you want this, too.”

“I do.”

“So, can you do me a favour and say that in front of the altar?”

This time, Clarke does smile. She even lets out a small sound that’s supposed to be a laugh, and Bellamy kisses her on the forehead.

“I love you, Clarke. Even when you come home from a shift smelling like shit and sweat and blood and hospitals and you look like you haven’t slept since the roaring twenties. I love you then as much as I love you now. And I’m asking you again, will you marry me?”

Clarke stares into his eyes, and his mind doesn’t joke when he thinks he sees the stars in them. They reflect the blue sky and the clouds and the green trees behind the two, and he sees a whole world inside them, a world that could be theirs.

That’s who Clarke is to him.

“I will,” she says.

He kisses her. Quickly, on the lips. “Then get in the goddamn car.”

Clarke laughs and kisses him back and they’re over an hour late for the ceremony, but it goes better than either of them could’ve planned. They previously decided Clarke Blake doesn’t sound as good as Clarke Griffin-Blake, and that’s what she becomes when she says those words in front of the altar.

During the first dance, they’re waltzing to an old song Raven prepared for them and he feels like he loves Clarke more with each moment that passes, and surprisingly, it has nothing to do with the fact that she’s now his wife.

It’s more the fact that she’s not afraid anymore. What Finn did to her is gone, because of Bellamy, and he thinks it’s the best gift she could’ve given him.

“I love you when you’re being an annoying professor, too,” she whispers to him and he laughs.

“I love you even when you’re worse than Emori’s cat,” he retorts.

“I love you even when you put your stinky feet on the coffee table after a long day of lectures.”

“I love you even when you sing.”

It becomes a competition, and Bellamy falls in love more every time he says the words. Before they know it, the song changes and now they’re dancing with dozens of other couples.

“Bell, look.”

On their right, Raven and Murphy are dancing. Bellamy doesn’t think either of them knows, but the way they look at each other is how he looks at his wife.

 _Wife_ , Bellamy thinks. _My wife._

They end the night with Raven and Murphy finally kissing in front of everyone, Monty telling them he’s going to propose to Harper, and Miller finally growing balls to get with Jackson. Raven and Murphy are the last to leave, and they’re the ones who walk the newlyweds to the limousine to take them to their honeymoon.

Months down the road, Bellamy buys a house in Eden, and so the newly-engaged Monty and Harper, Murphy and Raven with each their own, Miller and Jackson, and Emori, Octavia and Lincoln, and Fox and Monroe and Echo and Murphy’s cousin Nylah. Soon, the village becomes a functioning home for them and dozens of other newcomers.

“It’s for Madi,” Bellamy tells Clarke one day.

It’s only right that they name their first girl after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was thinking and i might do more things set in this universe, because the thought of everyone living in eden really makes my thinking wheels going


End file.
